Irate Condo dweller defends pet pig! White writing note to the editor of a newsletter

 Dear Fritz:

Condo dwellers can be such absolute beasts, I mean prigs! Ever since this swine flu has reared its ugly head, my  neighbours/people have been giving me a wide berth every time I take Viola, my adorable pet pig, out for walkie-poohs.

Let me explain, it is like my poor pet personally flew down to Mexico and brought the sneezing bug home with her. Only yesterday, while in the elevator, my poor Viola had a sneezing fit - she has allergies in the Spring, who doesn't? - but the reaction in the elevator, was that everyone stopped breathing and drew back to hug the walls, covered their faces in horror. At that moment, I swear a neon light came above their heads and flashed 'swine flu', and all these anxiety ridden people exited on the next floor that the elevator came to a halt on. Then someone had the audacity of throwing in a face mask at me as the elevator doors closed.

Now management has contacted me and asked that I refrain from using the elevator when I have Viola in tow. In fact, they have informed me that if I don`t keep a low profile, and the other owners in the condominium insist, I may have to get rid of Viola. The Condo pet rules do not allow for pet pigs, and they had made an exception when I moved in because everyone found Viola, at that time, so adoring and we have been together for nearly 12 years.

Viola is such a sensitive animal, and I know that she senses that she is being discriminated against. She now sits and mopes in her chair and refuses to watch her favorite TV programs. She is a worthier pet than a cat or dog, and more intelligent by far. She is clean and fastidious and often follows me around the condo to make sure that everything is clean. We have never been been to Mexico and now people look at Viola like she started the pandemic in Toronto. And I think that it is a great idea that it is no longer referred to as Swine flu, but Hn12n3. Viola has to wear a mask and she hates it. What are my options? - Cornelia at you know where!

Dear Cornelia: How unfortunate for Viola. I would send her to the farm for a while until this nonsense blows over and people forget that H1N1 squared is not your piggy`s fault. Condo dwellers are very insensitive when it comes to their health and some condos will not even allow pets - so, in a way, you are lucky that you have just been asked to get Viola to don a mask - it is actually the hip thing now. I mean so many people do it now, wear masks, or are forced to wear them for weird health reasons. Best of luck. Fritz